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Easter [Mar. 28th, 2005|01:51 pm]
[mood |thankfulthankful]
[music |Beatles-All you need is love]

Happy Easter. I have re-wrote this entry prob. about 5 times. I can seem to find satisfaction with anything anymore. Even the slightest, stupidest things. Not to be complaining but yeah. I was glad to have en extra day off this weekend, it was nice. However, I could always use and extra day. I feel like I have a hair ball in my throat. Today I gave my cat a bath in the sink. It was pretty humorous, she was making the weirdest noises I think i have ever heaard. Actually, I felt kind of bad doing it. Oh well she needed it cause she smells bad-hense the name Stinky. Sometimes I wonder if I am ever going to get out the this slump that I am in. I need to find something to give me motivation. I know I have said this a million times but, even though this school year has gone to shit, I am so so so happy knowing who I am. Yeah, I know I sound like an inspriation speaker, but I finally feel like I belong somewhere. Most of the time I still feel like a misfit in school but no atleast I know that there is one place that suits me. School was always hard for me, not so much academically like it is now, but just fitting in. Kids are so harsh in school and I don't think that you realize that until you mature. I have come to see that even though all these kids are in high school, they are far from being an adult. Sometimes I even question if I am ready to grow up. I am seriously starting to think that I'm not. Yes, there are so many great things that come with growing up. But if you look beyond the childish aspects like having no curfew, being where ever you want at any time you want etc. I see my life as being really depressin to be quite honest. I hope that I am not doomed to be depressed for life, but who know's. I think that even though I am starting to become a woman, there are alot of other issues I need to take care of. I have alot of emotional issues right now and I know why, but I am still flabbergasted that it is still happening to me. People are so insenstive to other's until they have been in their postion. Even myself, I never completely understood the whole concept of "depression" until know. Depression is something that each person will experience at one point in their life and alot of people see it as embarassing when it really shouldn't be. Emotion is a beautiful thing and it's sad that the world now is being brought up in a culture that is being told that crying is wrong. Crying sometimes to me, is just such a relief to me. Sometimes I even cry for no reason. And even though I know I do have some emotional problems, I think that the world is being told that if you have too much emotion, you have something wrong with you. So them people get wrapped up in depression pills etc. Which I know, sometimes is needed, but I think that there are too many people who are being told that there is things wrong with them, when really there is nothing at all. So yeah but I need to go right now but I'll finish this entry later- Toodles!
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Secret [Mar. 22nd, 2005|09:44 pm]
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |Jefferson Airplane-White Rabbit]

Ok, I know that the chances of someone reading this right now are very slim. However, i need to say or write it down somewhere. I would prefer to say it but here i go. I have a secret and i don't know who to tell. It's not a bad secret like...uhh...idk...But it's just something i need advice on what to do. I haven't been able to talk to Diego. I miss him so much. I wonder what he would say about my situation. Gahh, oh well. I think the only reason that I am nervous about telling someone is no that I am embarrassed, but that i don't want to get ahead of myself and then being teased haha. I don't know, I am being stupid.
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(no subject) [Mar. 13th, 2005|10:57 am]
[mood |hopefulhopeful]
[music |Dark Blue]

So, my live journal is back. An interesting week it has been. Filled with cheer and anger. The school week was long and I was so anxious to get out of school yesterday. I walked home for the fisrt time in about a month or so. It wasn't all that bad. Somewhat in a way peaceful. Strolling along the sidealk jammin' your ipod to as loud as it can go can do wonders on a bad day. Yesterday morning, i decided that i need to make a sincere effort to do well in school. Yeah that sounds kind of late to try to start doing concidering the school year started last september. But i have been experencing so many life altering things where i am not only growing up but i am maturing, well in most ways that is. So on the top of my list, get science and math homework done everyday in school. That way, the shitty subjects stay at school. 2nd, i need to find a job. Yeah i know i have been saying this for quite a while but i think it's time for me to really get one. It would keep my occupied so the days that i was home alone won't be so boring and it will bring in a little bit more money into my life. I think since last night i got in to some trouble, doing things such as these could bring a better relationship to my mom and i.It sounds lame i know, but i hate fighting with the person i live with so..I look back on my life last year so much and i think about how i have changed. Yeah some of it has been for the worst, but honestly i don't think i regret anything. Yeah so is prb. the worst it has ever been for me but as far as i am concered, the people i care about are far more imporant than say biology. Today i have alot to do, clean up my room, do all of my make-up work, bake a cake and so on. For now i am out, but perhaps another entry later on.
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